Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Have you ever been a victim of gaslighting? What happened?

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

I had run out of hope.

China-US Deal Didn’t Address Some Rare Earths Controls: Reuters - Bloomberg.com

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Archer Aviation Stock Tumbles: Here’s What This Investor Predicts Next - TipRanks

The sadness was still there.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

And the sadness?

Why did Mark Lane harass Helen Markham during an illegally recorded telephone conversation to misidentify Lee Harvey Oswald who she witnessed as the shooter of Tippit?

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

You are like me, then.

Have you ever had a weird experience immediately following the death of a loved one that made you think there is an afterlife and that the deceased person was communicating with you?

I was tired of fighting.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Warner Bros. Discovery bonds see big selloff as ratings are cut to junk. Should stock investors be worried? - MarketWatch

I was tired of trying and failing.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Democrat voters, why are you so naive, easy to manipulate, can't see a liar standing right in front of you and why won't you research your party? You will find they have a plan for all W. Nations and it's evil.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Be who you already are.

Why is Matt Gaetz being investigated but not Sarah (Tim) McBride? Why do we only care about grooming when it's the Republicans doing it?

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

It’s still here.

It’s here now, writing to you.

Washington governor activates National Guard in search for accused killer, Travis Decker - KATU

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.